


Half Life

by krillia



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-16
Updated: 2012-03-16
Packaged: 2017-11-02 00:40:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/363112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krillia/pseuds/krillia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In his last moments, Axel tries to figure out what he's fighting for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Half Life

"HIYAAA! It's over!"

Axel winced, quickly turning away. He wasn't sure if it was so he could catch his breath, or simply so he could avoid the triumphant look on the Keyblade-wielder's face past the falling remains of three more destroyed Heartless. He didn't care about the Heartless. They were simply reminders of what he'd been and what he could have been. But the face was too much.

He wanted to look, though. Wanted to watch. If it wasn't for the screams and battle cries, Roxas and Sora would have been so damn similar. A fighting style that would have been utterly unique to each of them, if it wasn't so alike between them. Even with the difference between one blade and two, it was remarkably similar. Same movements, same ground covering technique, same crappy way of guarding that made the battle style almost completely offensive.

Not that he could really say anything about defenses, Axel thought as he lashed out at another half dozen Dusks, frying two of them where they stood while another three reeled backwards, even their primitive brains able to process that walls of fire were not conducive to continuing their pitiful, half-realized existences. He watched the two fall, gasping in huge gulps of air before he flared again.

It was harder fighting, when you were only half a person. There were things missing. You had hunger to drive you, and the desire for existence, but that was all and everyone had those. Other people had more. Other people had hunger and drive and need and passion and heart. Nobodies were reduced only to the needs of hunger and desire.

The Keyblade swung by his head, barely missing his shoulder, and Axel turned to see a Dusk fall and disintegrate at his feet. He'd missed its presence entirely. Axel was quite certain that something about this entire situation wasn't fair. But it hadn't been fair for a while. He was utterly certain that it had stopped being fair the moment he had realized that he wasn't dead.

Hell of an epiphany that had been. Mostly because it took quite a while to understand. There was no sign proclaiming that your heart was gone. Nothing inviting you into the land of the Nobodies. It was something you realized after a while, that there was nothing where something should be. Impossible to label, of course, because random parts of your being just didn't evaporate. It just didn't happen. No one taught you that it could. Parents, teachers, friends. They taught other things.

They taught that there was an alive state.

And there was a dead state.

Sometimes they taught that there was an in-between, or an After, or maybe a new beginning for some people, but Axel never held an opinion on those. He'd intended to live hard, and die whenever the hell death came for him. Que sera sera.

Death, however, had come for him and somehow missed the target. It had chopped him in two, instead. Taken half for himself and left the other half wandering around aimlessly, unable to realize that it was even missing a part.

And then the constant searching began. The begging. The wanting. The not knowing. Not feeling. Not caring. Just wanting. The burning hunger, begging to be fed an unknown food.

The same hunger he still felt, even as another Nobody was destroyed, cut down by searing flames and desperate anger.

Of course, as the chosen thirteen, they'd gotten to be special. They were given the knowledge of what that hunger was. Given an army with which to try and satisfy it.

Okay, not so much given an army as simply ordered to take a large group of monsters and wander in a semi-organized fashion. Mayhem and madness. Burn and pillage. Possibly eat the babies, if they felt like it. Axel never much felt like it. Mostly he talked about it because Demyx and Marluxia tended looked a little ill if it was mentioned. Axel was pretty sure the sitar player had never eaten babies, either. He wasn't sure about Marluxia. He'd tried to discuss eating babies with Roxas once, too. The blond boy had looked slightly perplexed, as though he were trying to decide whether it would even be worth it to try. Axel didn't bring up the subject again. Axel didn't qualify himself, or even want to qualify himself, as a good person. Wasn't sure he was even knew how to classify a good person, anyway, given that "good" was one of those damn subjective things that was kept locked tightly inside the heart. Still, he was pretty sure that eating babies wasn't something he wanted to do. Or wanted anyone else to do, either. Especially not Roxas.

Despite his unwillingness to eat babies, Axel was not above inflicting horror upon various things. Screams sort of satisfied the hunger, for a while. Especially when another One was created. That was fun. Getting to watch the faces of the newly-fledged creatures when they first realized the existence of the gnawing, freezing void that had become their centers. The realization itself there killed some of them. They survived Death, only to become nothing.

Nothing. That was what these damn creatures were. Nothing and useless, stupid. Craving something that they couldn't even place. There was a cry, to his left, and Axel spun, the custom weapon that had become as much a part of him as his left hand spitting flames towards the trespasser.

Sora would not be hurt. Not now. It enraged him that they'd try.

Maybe Nobodies were doomed to fail by nature. Incomplete beings with incomplete destinies. Marluxia had failed, although Axel admitted that part of that was his fault. The man hadn't deserved the glory he was trying to get. Hadn't earned it. Xemnas would fail if every living thing in the world had anything say about it. And the only thing Xemnas had ever done was screw them all.

Only Roxas had a chance to succeed. And it wouldn't even be Roxas. But Nobodies were good at lying to themselves. At pretending to be more than they were. After all, Xemnas promised them, or something. Said they could have all they ever wanted and more. It was easy to want to believe something like that, when you had a gaping hole in your chest and a constant, freezing terror of loosing the tenuous grasp whatever desperation it was that kept you alive. So it was almost alright to lie and pretend that if Sora continued to exist, than maybe Roxas would succeed.

It almost seemed acceptable to pretend Roxas was there. That the clashing sound of the Keyblade as it rent almost-flesh apart was because of him. Maybe. Except for the talking. Roxas rarely talked. Sora was a lot more apt to express pain, too.

Speaking of which, Axel barked out a brief warning and sent a wave of flame hurtling the Keybladist's direction, another couple of seething, writhing bodies crumbling in its wake. Axel decided it wasn't worth his attention to count. They didn't matter, anyway. All that mattered was Him.

Axel himself had realized, perhaps a bit later than he would of liked, that it didn't matter which one.

Roxas was gone. Somewhere. Maybe not completely, but he was gone. Lost to him forever.

The silly little boy screaming and clawing and biting and hacking at the creatures around them was all that was left for Axel to interact with. Maybe he could prove to Sora what Roxas refused to believe. After all, Sora was a complete being. Certainly he wouldn't mind accepting just a few irrational things?

Axel looked around, at the army that encroached on them. Even the mindless beasts that had once served him had realized they were going to need to work as a unit to destroy a Keyblade Master and…whatever it was that Axel himself was.

He looked at Sora. The not-Roxas.

His chakrams pulsed in his hands, pulling him towards destruction. They knew what he had to do. Knew what he was going to do. As much a part of him as his...Axel hesitated for a moment, using the time to destroy a few more Dusks and send them hurtling to the non-existence they'd cheated once before. The weapons, his creation, waited to devour the half-lives eagerly. He turned to Sora.

Axel smiled slightly, and Sora looked at him in confusion. The expression familiar. Horribly, painfully familiar. Roxas gave him that look at least once a day, in the too-short time that they had been...what? Friends? Because Roxas hadn't understood why Axel did what he did. And Sora didn't have any idea what Axel was about to do. Even as Axel spun on his heel, walking straight into the swarming mass of bodies, Sora had no idea. Axel wished he was privy to that same ignorance. He had a feeling this would hurt. It didn't matter, though. Because Sora had a heart. Sora might understand. Sora might understand even the things that Axel didn't and, maybe, if Sora did then Roxas would too, in some roundabout, nonsensical way. So even if it hurt, that would be okay.

He spun, eyes bright. The army pressed against his back, nearly on him. Sensing that something was about to happen that they should stop. And, for a brief moment, Axel thought it might not be enough. That he might not be strong enough. His mind lashed out, seeking strength and power. Anything to make this stupid stunt work.

He found Sora's eyes. Roxas' eyes. Blue and deep and eternal. Confused, and yet horrified. It was the end. Fire welled up within Axel, and for a brief moment, before the pain hit, he wondered if that was the point. The point of this whole damn thing. He had no idea. But this was what he had to do.

Axel was sure Roxas would understand, if Sora gave him the message. He just wished he knew what the message was.


End file.
